Tuesday, February 21, 2017

Bullies, Love and Waiting

Wait, Wait Wait...On Me Says the Lord

I didn't date growing up and before you think it was some rule that I was subjected to, it wasn't. My parents would have thrown me out the door at the first good-looking guy that didn't resemble a "serial killer" as my mother now refers to everyone.  She really thinks that every guy wants to wear me as a skin suit - because really my skin is all that great? It's not like I moisturize daily or even every other day!  It's not like the "put the lotion in the basket" great!! Don't get me started on Internet dating where ALL the freaks hang out who really might make a skin suit out of me. My mother just thinks that every man is literally a serial killer and it doesn't even matter if it's our neighbor...you're a potential! She might not even meet you and all you'll really get is a roll of her eyes and a sign of SK for serial killer LOL.

There was a guy I grew up with and we were considered friends (Mom surprisingly didn't consider him a SK.)  I wasn't popular, I didn't hang with the "in crowd" and this guy only liked me when we weren't around others.  He'd come to the house and hang out or he'd like to hit on my 2 friends who were girls, trying to get with them.  It's almost like he was afraid that the dork might rub off on him...I think to this day it's still that way.  Which is fine with me because you find out who your real friends are and who aren't.  It's sad that some people will always have what I call "High School Mentality."  That's where your mentality is still having to keep up with everything you were in high school.  You still talk about things you did in high school or what you accomplished.  You want to know a really big secret?  I don't remember anything from back then because it didn't matter to me.  I didn't come into myself until I hit my 30's and I have a feeling my 40's are going to be spectacular.  I've kept in touch with 3 people in 20 years and can count on one hand who I'd really care to go to dinner with.  The rest I catch up on Facebook with. We all change in 20+ years.  I know I have, so I hope that others have as well.  

The guy I was friends with used to pick on me relentlessly and part of me is glad he did it...I know you're sitting there thinking "Huh?" He taught me to have a thick skin and to ignore all the other kids in my class who did it.  I could resent them or have little voodoo dolls made of them and poke them occasionally but that's a waste of my time.  Before you laugh - I'm in mental health and it's been done before by a patient so some people don't get over hurtful words or the past.  I also learned to watch what I say to people when it comes to hurting their feelings because what comes out the mouth can never be taken back.  I'm sorry is just a platitude that people use after they hurt someone and it doesn't help once something's been done.  They didn't have this anti-bullying crap when I was in school because if they did....Jesus knows I'd have been in the principal's office every day because someone was bullying me.  Like the time Jeff and Lee (last names have been withheld to protect the innocent) decided to throw around my bug purse because they thought it would be funny in the 4th grade.  FYI guys....it wasn't funny.  Nowadays it would be called bullying - go figure!  

The thing about being made fun of by people you trust and even people you don't trust, it sets you up for every relationship you'll have in the future.  People say that it's not that big of a deal and that it's just kids being kids, but it's not.  It's taken me all these years to figure out that there isn't anything wrong with me other than I don't let anyone form an attachment to me.  Therapists have a field day with me and I've worked in the Mental Health and Medical field for 20 years.  I find it very hard to trust people because I think they're going to hurt me.  I'd rather stay single and be alone than have someone who I thought was the love of my life hurt me.  Everyone is probably thinking that that's what opening yourself up to love and trust is all about but I can't really keep taking potshots to the heart without it taking it's toll.  The funny thing is that the same guy I once loved in my youth who made fun of me...kind of married a heavyset woman!!  Oh the irony of life! I guess God knew then that I wouldn't be happy if I settled for less than the best of what he had for me...So girls, women, men...Wait, wait and wait some more but do it with a trusting heart that's open to love.

If you or someone you love is being bullied, there is help out there.  Please contact Stop Bullying and help someone else find a way out.  Thank you!

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